hmmm... It's been some time since I update my blog. Well actually I did updated it a few times recently but they were deleted after a day or a few hours because I noticed that they are soooo negative and it's not good to deliver negative thoughts in here (in case there are still readers here. lol)
But why am I still typing this shit at 4am on my bed with my phone while both of my roommates snore so loudly lol. Well, I don't know :/
Well recently, I have this serious sleeping problems that I sleep 6am in the morning and wake up 2pm. And my roommate said I was slapping the floor and kept swearing while everyone was snoring. And I didn't remember that so he concluded that I was sleepwalking? Well whatever, at least I didn't jump down from 23rd floor :/
Yeah, maybe typing these negative shits on the blog might be a little inappropriate. But I hope that it may help with my sleeping problems? I don't know.
Recently, I can hardly control my emotions. I can't help but keep reminding myself how useless I am. I'm so uncertain about what should I do, what can I do, what will I do. I'm afraid of the future, it was so fucking dark. Well, actually my semi-psychologist friend did something like a hypnosis or a semi-hypnosis on me. He asked me to close my eyes and relax myself and deep breath and shits. Then he asked me to imagine there is a door in front of me and I'm gonna open it. After I opened that door it was so damn dark inside, it's like it was darker than a total dark, it's like I've never felt this dark before in my life. Then he explained what we saw behind that door is actually how our subconscious mind is. The 'dark' was the uncertainty to the future. Well I guess my semi-psychologist friend did said that right though.
I'm just hoping one day I'm gonna get my faith back. That blind faith that gives me confidence to do anything. That blind faith that I don't need to know how, I just certain I'm going to achieve something. Maybe all I need is a little blind, and a little less 'darkness', a little less uncertainty, a little less 'I don't know'.
Good night. (Hope I can fall asleep in 3 seconds after I closed my eyes lol.)
